Imposition

 

 

 

The façade enshrouds me
Envelopes me, clouds me
An impenetrable wall
Surrounds and protects me
 
An illusion of emotion
Conceals my thoughts
My eyes gaze out
From behind a web of deceit
 
You think you know me
But you only see
What I want you to see
 
The mask has a smile on it
It took me years to craft it
You don’t even notice
It isn’t real
 
The eyes have a sparkle to them
I know, I put them there
And you look at me
And smile back
 
You can’t hurt me
My shield is too strong
I can barely move beneath it
But I’m safe
 
You ask me how I’m doing
Can’t you see
I point to my mask
I’m doing fine
 
Something sad happens
How should I feel?
I have a mask for that too
You still think it’s real
 
It takes all of my strength
To project the illusion
Mend the cracks
Heal the scars
 
You try to break down
My disguise with your questions
And sometimes
You nearly break through
 
My defenses are strong
They have to be
Inside I am mush
Vulnerable, weak
 
So they will protect me
Guard me
Control me
Censor me
 
They know what’s best for me
I do not resist
The strings jerk tautly
And I stumble forward
 
They tell me when to laugh
But it’s not my laugh
It’s a cry for help
Falling on deaf ears
 
I grow weary
I’m losing my strength
How can I continue
To keep up this façade?
 
I long to remove
This virulent mask
But I don’t remember how
And I am afraid of what I will find
Beneath it
 
The walls seem closer somehow
Smaller
I feel trapped
I can not breathe
 
I try to reach out
Remember what it feels like
To feel
To love
 
But the mask is in control now
No longer a smile
It bears a sinister grin
 
…And you smile back
 
 
Adam Wiemers
4/10/02

 

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