I LOVE HIM

I stood there for a long time, crying

Pretending to look outside the window

I stood there looking at unknown faces

For I did not want my own people to know.

I did not want them to know that I was in pain

And my all attempts to stop crying were in vain.

I was very confused, actually

Unable to digest completely

The scene I saw as I turned around to look at him

The man to whom I could never confess that I loved him...

I kept on telling myself, "Oh how much I hate him..."

The man who was never there for me when I needed him

But something that happened that day

Changed the way I looked at the matter

I realized that I was dumb

When I pretended to be smarter.

It was fathers day and I had given him a card

He took it and pushed it away,

As if it meant nothing to him

That was the moment I said to myself

"Oh how much I hate him..."

He never ever understood how I used to feel

Whenever I needed him, he was handling some important deal!

I walked out of the room, frustrated

But something made me turn, and I waited

I saw him pull the card towards him

And then he put on his reading glasses...

With every word that he read

I could see his eyes filling with tears...

Until a tear dropped on his glasses.

I just turned around, with tears in my own eyes

I just could not understand who it was sitting in front of my eyes!

I had never seen him cry before and I thought he was rude

He always maintained a steady face,

Making it difficult for us to know his mood

Now, standing at the window

I finally realized that though he was tough on the outside

He was equally soft from the inside.

I wanted to turn around to go to him

Tell him, finally, how much I loved him

But I held myself back and just wiped my tears

I wanted things to be as they were all these years

I did not want him to know I had seen the softer side of him

But I just want him to know somehow,

No matter how much I fight... I would always love him.

~Akansha~

26th June 2005, 5 pm IST

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