MOURNING HER DEATH

Twenty years and more
It took her to come out,
Of her fairy tale world it seems
Resisted hard she did
To not grow up, but
The gnawing numbness made her finally look up.

Look up and face herself
Recognize the old, pitiful woman she had become;
See the fleshy face and scanty hair
Dark rings under the lost eyes
Body uncared, untended, unwanted by any
The lips, a thin long bitter line.

All along she had wanted to glimpse in the mirror
A young happy girl
Who waited for her life to begin anew;
Eagerly awaited the flowering of her youth
The blooming of her love
And the consummation of her passions.

All of those 20 years and more
She nurtured her and kept her within,
Closed her mind to the passage of time
Strong in her belief that the girl would live
She would sing, and dance again
It was but, just a matter of time.

But as she withered and died that girl,
Her carcass rotted within
And the rot slowly but surely spread
Creeping into corners of the woman's heart
Causing anguish she never could gauge
Wondering where the pain swept from.

And then one day she realized
That the beloved girl was long dead
Unwanted, and undesired
Why then did she still drag her about
Burden herself with grief
When no one grieved her but she.

What remained of her were some memories
Some deep rooted desires unfulfilled
So accept Old Woman now at least,
She was long gone and mourn her no more
Say your last farewells no matter how pained
Or else the rot will settle in.

So she stands here now, and facing herself
As ugly and unwanted as she now is
Trying to find a dignity that she never possessed
Living Cold, Proud and Practical;
For don't you see,
The girl died because she wanted to be loved
As she thought she is!

~Glowing Embers~

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